A woman was backed for refusing to cancel a trip to Italy with her male best friend—who said she has had sex with—after her boyfriend said it made him uncomfortable.
The Original Poster (OP), known as u/Unique-Salt-1013, posted about the situation in Reddit‘s popular “Am I The A**hole” forum where it received more than 9,100 upvotes and 2,500 comments. The post can be found here.
Opposite Gender Friendships
According to a survey conducted by the Survey Center on American Life, more than 58 percent of Americans report having a close friend of the opposite gender.
The survey also found that 63 percent of men are more likely to report having a close friend of a different gender, compared to 53 percent of women.
Among married women, only 43 percent have a close friend of a different gender compared to 54 percent of married men.
When it comes to single women, that number jumps to nearly two-thirds of respondents saying they have a close male friend.
While many of these friendships remain platonic, recent data suggests that men are more likely to be attracted to their female friends than women.
In the post titled “AITA for refusing to cancel a trip with my best friend” the 25-year-old woman said she has been with her 28-year-old boyfriend for almost three months.
“I have an upcoming trip with my best friend to Italy that my boyfriend wants me to cancel,” the post read. “We have been planning this trip for months now, booked the tickets 6 months ago, and my boyfriend doesn’t care that this was all planned before him.”
The OP said the reason her boyfriend wants her to cancel the trip is that her best friend is a 25-year-old male and he “doesn’t trust” them to spend a week alone together on the trip.
In an update, the OP clarified that she had slept with the friend in the past, which she explained as “five minutes of drunken sex” about seven years ago.
“We have no romantic or physical attraction towards one another so we decided to put it in the past and just be friends,” the update read. “Since then, we’ve been on many trips, stayed in hotel rooms before, and no one had made a move towards one another.”
The OP said that while she “understands” this is a “factor” in her boyfriend’s comfortability, she doesn’t think it is enough for him to not trust her.
“We’re sharing a hotel room to save some money, but there are separate beds,” the post read. “I’ve been best friends with this guy since my freshman year of college and I don’t plan on not being friends with him over someone I just recently started dating.”
The trip is three weeks away and the OP said she still hasn’t told her friend how her boyfriend feels.
“So, AITA for refusing the cancel?” the post read.
More than 2,500 users commented on the post, many supporting the woman’s decision not to cancel her trip to Italy.
“NTA You’ve been dating for 3 months and he’s already acting insecure and controlling,” one user commented. “Just break up with him.”
“NTA but be aware that he’s already trying to control you after 3 months!” another user commented. “Imagine how much worse that could be in 6 months or even a year.”
“Your boyfriend’s insecurities are his own issue. You are dating him, not your travel companion,” another commented. “If he doesn’t recognize it, that’s a him problem, not a you problem.”
But a few commenters disagreed, saying her boyfriend is justified for not wanting her to go.
“ESH I would still go, but I would out of respect for my BF, would get my own room,” another commented. “You planned this trip when you were single, now you’re not. If it was the other way around, Reddit would not be so quick to be like ohh this a red flag he’s trying to control you. You would not like your Bf sharing a room with a girl that you don’t like.”
“Yeah I’m honestly surprised so many people are saying she’s not TA…” another commented. “Or that BF is being controlling or ‘insecure.'”
“YTA. Your bf might come off a little controlling first, but you admitted that there is some sexual past with your friend—something you conveniently left out in the original post,” one user commented. “This changes the dynamic completely.”
Newsweek reached out to u/Unique-Salt-1013 for comment.
Other Viral Posts
Another woman was backed for confronting her husband’s female friend, claiming she “needed to be checked.”